by Mary Roe (first performed at the 2011 Conference Cabaret)
from Signs of the Times No. 43 - Oct 2011

We are the Modern CHURCHMEN,

At least we used to be;

But now we watch our language,

We're studiously PC.

No longer called a UNION,

That title's too old hat;

We still support each other,

With conferences and chat.


We hope we still are MODERN,

Our thinking up to date;

The same as when we started,

In 1898.

We shirk no awkward questions

Tho' answers are elusive,

The only thing we're sure of:

We're thoroughly inclusive.

We're all for love of neighbour

(Which need not be platonic).

Both hetero- and homo-

For us are not demonic.

We're anti-Covenanters;

We will not bend our knees,

Or hand our conscience over

To those b(ishops) overseas.

For women to be priested

We proved ourselves great fighters;

And now we've joined the battle

To see them wearing mitres.

We've many other causes

But here must end our song.

We don't believe we're right,

but Just know that THEY are wrong.

Mary Roe is a retired RE teacher, lay reader, widow of a bishop, and member of the Modern Church Council.